Motivation

If He Has a Girlfriend Why Does He Want Me? 15 Big Reasons

So you feel a connection with a guy in your life. 

You two have the best conversations, there’s obvious chemistry, and you think the two of you could make a great couple.

Then he drops the bombshell: he has a girlfriend.

Your heart sinks, and your dreams of being together fade away. 

You wonder why he acted so romantically with you if there was no chance of a future.

Knowing what to do in this situation can be challenging, especially if he’s still pursuing you and making moves.

Thankfully, there are common reasons why a guy might tell you he has a girlfriend, and these can help you decide how to move forward in the relationship.

So let’s dive into the possibilities of why a guy might chase you when he’s not single so that you can make sense of the situation.

Can A Guy Like You Even If He Has a Girlfriend?

It’s quite possible a guy can like you and still have a girlfriend.

It’s not something we usually address, especially in monogamous relationships, but people often have feelings (ranging from fleeting to long-lasting) for someone other than their partner.

There are many different outcomes of a scenario like this:

  • He entertains the idea as a fantasy and lets it go
  • His attraction continues to grow, and he keeps it quiet
  • He discusses the situation with his girlfriend/a therapist/a trusted source to honestly work through his feelings
  • He lets you know how he feels in confidence but doesn’t want to act on it
  • He wants to pursue something with you while still being with his current girlfriend
  • He leaves his partner and continues to pursue you

It can be hard to predict the outcome of this situation. Men tend to deal with their attraction to another woman based on their social conditioning and past patterns.

For example, if a man has been cheated on in the past, he may justify hiding his feelings for others from his partner because he’s scared of the same thing happening to him again.

How to Tell If a Guy Likes You When He Has a Girlfriend

There are some common signs when deciphering if an attached guy likes you. They aren’t too far off from the signs we see in a single guy, but it’s important to be aware of the additional context here.

Here are some clues that may suggest he has feelings for you:

  • He acts differently around you than other people
  • He compliments you often
  • He goes out of his way to help you
  • He asks you out on dates
  • He tries to spend time with you when he’s available
  • He pays attention and remembers things you tell him
  • His body language is suggestive of attraction
  • He talks about his relationship with you

These signs could be purely platonic.

But if you’re noticing many of these signs at once, then it’s entirely possible he has a crush on you.

If He Has a Girlfriend, Why Does He Want Me? 15 Strong Reasons to Consider

1. There’s an Undeniable Chemistry

Sometimes it’s hard to put a finger on it – we just feel like we want to be around that person. It may feel like it’s beyond our control. A man may feel an irresistible pull to be around you, even if it’s not logical at all. 

woman trying to prevent boyfriend from looking at another girl if he has a girlfriend why does he want me

You’ll notice him standing next to you in social situations, reaching out regularly, and maybe even gazing at you when he thinks you’re not looking.

2. He’s Unsatisfied with His Partner

Just because he’s in a relationship doesn’t mean it’s meeting his needs or satisfying him.

Whether he feels neglected, unheard, or taken for granted, he is seeking your validation and emotional support. In this way, you’re filling the gaps in his current relationship.

3. He’s Avoiding Commitment

Finding a partner ready and able to commit to a relationship fully is no small feat. So it’s not surprising that many men get cold feet when they start getting serious in a relationship.

Getting interested in someone else helps to deflect from the commitment he’s been avoiding.

He may enjoy the easiness of flirting with you over making hard decisions, such as if he’s going to move in with his partner or settle down with kids.

4. He Has Low Confidence and Self-Esteem

If a man has low-self esteem in his relationship, he may seek this from others. It could be because his current partner doesn’t regularly make him feel valued or loved.

But it may also have nothing to do with her and could result from a deep internal struggle about his worthiness.

If you notice a guy is fishing for compliments and constantly seeking attention when he’s with you, this may be a primary reason for his flirtatious behavior.

5. You’ve Both Formed a Strong Emotional Bond

Maybe you and this man have gone through something together, such as achieving a major life milestone, working intensely on a project together, or even experiencing a tragedy, such as the loss of a close friend.

Certain experiences can create an intense emotional bond between two people, and he may not be able to help but feel attracted to you.

6. There’s A Lot of Physical Tension and Attraction

When it comes to being the right physical “type” and having a strong attraction, we can’t always control our feelings.

If you perfectly fit the bill for what he finds attractive and there’s a lot of physical chemistry, it can be hard to resist.

officemates being touchy with each other if he has a girlfriend why does he want me

You two may also have been in situations that caused a lot of physical contact – for instance, long hugs, dance nights, etc. These instances can result in an intense physical bond and desire for sexual connection.

7. He’s Bored In His Current Relationship

Stability is essential in a relationship, but too much can lead to stagnation and boredom.

If he’s been with the same person for a while and they’ve been stuck in the same patterns, it makes sense why he may be tempted by someone new.

If this is the case, you’re likely very different from his current partner. You may do things that he wishes his current girlfriend would. Instead of bringing life into his existing relationship, he’s exploring it with you.


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8. Communication Is Lacking in His Current Relationship

Communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. If he’s not getting enough from his current partner, then it makes sense why he may be drawn to you for conversation and connection. 

You may hear him vent to you about various relationship issues, which shows that he doesn’t have the space to work them out with his girlfriend.

9. He’s Jealous Of His Partner

Maybe this guy’s girlfriend is attracted to other people, and he can’t help but feel jealous. This could make him feel insecure or like his relationship is threatened. 

He may turn to you for attention so that he can boost his own self-esteem. This is more about using you to make him feel better than being genuinely interested in you.

10. He Does It Just Because He Can

It sounds harsh, but sometimes an opportunistic man will flirt with you simply because he can get away with it. It’s all about pushing boundaries for this guy, and it’s a big power play for him. 

Morals don’t come into question, and he simply aims to “win” the situation as if it were a game.

When a guy tells you he has a girlfriend, doesn’t express any remorse or feelings of guilt, and still continues to flirt with you, this is a pretty clear sign that he’s doing it just to take advantage of you and his girlfriend.

11. He’s Not Compatible With His Partner

Even if this guy loves his girlfriend, it may be possible that she’s not the right fit for him.

He may not be sexually attracted to her, have different values than her, or simply know in his heart that she’s not the one. Naturally, if this isn’t addressed, his feelings will grow elsewhere.

12. He’s Looking For a Way Out

If this man knows he wants to leave the relationship but isn’t brave enough to do it outright, he may try sabotaging it by flirting with you.

In his mind, this will be an easier way to end the relationship than just directly telling her he’s not happy and wants out.

couple wearing workout clothes talking if he has a girlfriend why does he want me

In this case, he doesn’t really care about getting caught. In fact, he hopes that his girlfriend will find out so that he can avoid having to be the one to break up.

13. There Are Old Feelings Between The Two Of You

Maybe you and this man have a history. There may have been a crush before, or you may have even dated. If this was the case, he might still be drawn to you. 

You may remind him of the “good old days” whenever you hang out, and it feels like walking down memory lane.

This fantasy of the past can make it hard for him to stay committed in his current relationship.

14. He’s Looking for a Thrill

Doing something taboo or illicit can be an exciting experience for some. If he’s an “adrenaline junkie,” he’ll prioritize finding experiences that get his heart racing over logical or ethical approaches. 

Whenever he’s with you, the fact that he may get caught at any moment adds an extra layer of excitement and thrill.

15. He Doesn’t Have Relationship Boundaries

Some men don’t have a clear sense of boundaries regarding relationships. If he’s used to getting away with flirting right in front of his girlfriend, then it makes sense that he would continue this behavior with other women as well.

He may exhibit narcissist traits, leading to him only considering his own needs and disregarding everyone else’s feelings.

Narcissistic behavior can be very damaging, so it’s important to create your own boundaries around people like this.

Is It Wrong to Go Out with Him If He Has a Girlfriend?

“We love each other, but he has a girlfriend,” you may sob to your friends. It’s easy to feel like a victim or someone without the power to make your own choice when you’re the other woman.

But the responsibility is as much yours as it is his to make the right decisions in this scenario.

Be sure, and there are pros and cons depending on the direction you take.

Here are some points to consider if you’re thinking about entering a relationship with someone who has a partner:

  • You’ll never be able to trust him fully: It could be difficult to trust him entirely because he was unfaithful in his current relationship. Damaged trust is especially prevalent when a guy doesn’t tell you he has a girlfriend in the first place.
  • You may hurt more people than you think: If his girlfriend has a child or relies on him for support, then entering a relationship with him can cause significant pain to people you’re not even attached to.
  • It’s possible that he’ll cheat on you: If he is willing to cheat on his partner, then he may do the same with you.
  • There’s not much chance for a long-term future: How can you plan a life together when he hasn’t fully committed to leaving his current relationship? It’s hard to imagine a lasting future if one of you is holding back.

We must be honest with ourselves and our feelings in these tricky situations. In addition, we have to consider the emotional impact this situation may have on the other involved parties.

If we choose to pursue someone with a girlfriend, we are essentially choosing between two people, which can carry a heavy emotional toll for everyone involved.

What to Do If You Like Each Other, But He Has a Girlfriend

Realizing that you have feelings for someone who is already taken can be a difficult and confusing situation.

Though it may not seem possible, there are ways to navigate this tricky terrain and keep your integrity intact. 

Respect His Relationship

It’s important to respect this man’s commitment to his girlfriend. Even if he is flirting and spending time with you, it doesn’t mean you should disregard his relationship.

Acknowledge that they are in a relationship and refrain from any behavior that could lead to its destruction.

Say No To Flirting

As tempting as it may be, don’t engage in flirtatious behavior with him if he has a girlfriend. Flirting will only complicate the situation and create feelings of guilt and dishonesty.

If he is flirting with you, politely tell him you are not interested in pursuing something beyond friendship.

Don’t Lead Him On

Don’t give him false hope by leading him to believe that something could happen between the two of you.

This will only hurt his girlfriend and make it harder for him to stay true to her. Be honest about your feelings, even if it is difficult or uncomfortable.

Talk It Out With Him

If you have developed feelings for this man, talking about it with him is important to clear the air. Discuss your emotions and how his relationship affects you.

This will allow both of you to express yourselves openly and honestly, which can benefit you in the long run.

Get Support

Having feelings for someone who has a girlfriend can be very confusing. Make sure to speak with people you trust and get support from your loved ones.

This will help you stay grounded and make healthier decisions in the future. A therapist can also help you parse out your feelings and guide you on how to move forward.

Create Healthy Boundaries

Creating healthy boundaries with this man is essential to protect yourself and his relationship. Make sure that your interactions with him revolve around friendship and nothing more.

If you do want to move forward with him, set a boundary that you can’t do until he’s communicated it with his current girlfriend and is actively leaving that relationship.

If he’s unwilling to do this, use boundaries to break off any non-platonic behavior or shut down contact altogether.

Setting limits will help ensure that the situation doesn’t get out of hand and that you respect everyone involved as much as possible.

Final Thoughts

It’s not easy to navigate a situation when you like someone who has a girlfriend. But by better understanding why he’s acting this way, you can decide the most compassionate approach for all parties involved. 

With honesty and respect, you can feel empowered to create healthy boundaries and ensure no one gets hurt.

Is someone taken on you? Then you might've asked yourself, "if he has a girlfriend, why does he want me?" Read this to find out the answer.

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