21 Red Flags in a Relationship with a Woman

You’re starting a new relationship with an attractive woman, but you’ve been burned in the past.

The last thing you want is to be blind-sighted by some crazy that shows up once you’ve welcomed her into your life.

Looking for red flags is absolutely necessary if your romance is headed in a healthy direction.

They are warning signs that something isn’t quite right with the relationship and should be taken seriously. 

Unhealthy conduct in a woman is easily recognized with outward signs of disrespect or abuse.

But more subtle behaviors can be just as critical to look for.

By understanding relationship red flags and staying alert for them, you will better equip yourself to make informed decisions about the future of your relationship.

What Does A Red Flag for a Girl Mean?

A red flag in a woman could signify many different things. However, they tend to have roots in childhood trauma, self-esteem issues, mental health problems, addiction, or even narcissism.

It’s essential to be aware of them because:

  • It can help you avoid getting hurt in the relationship.
  • You can talk with your partner about them before they become hurtful or destructive.
  • It could prevent you from wasting time on a relationship that isn’t headed anywhere positive.
  • You’ll be able to clarify and honor your personal boundaries.
  • It’s less likely you’ll lead her on if you can spot red flags early.

If you discuss and address these issues early, both parties can feel more secure in the relationship and better equipped to handle any challenges.

21 Red Flags in a Relationship with a Woman

Keep these examples of red flags in mind when entering a relationship with a woman to ensure you’re headed in the right direction.

Whether you feel it in your gut or observe it with your eyes, red flags indicate that something is off and should be addressed if you’re serious about the relationship.

1. She Isn’t Honest With You

Lying is a huge relationship red flag, especially when it’s done consistently. If your partner lies about small or big things, this can indicate that she doesn’t feel comfortable telling the truth in the relationship. 

Especially if you’re catching these lies early on in the relationship, it could be a sign that she may not be trustworthy.

2. She Demeans You

If your partner speaks to you in a derogatory tone or says hurtful things, this is an obvious relationship red flag. 

woman talking on phone trying to shush man red flags in a relationship with a woman

She may make small, passive-aggressive comments, such as acting disappointed with you or making cruel, hurtful statements. 

She may put you down because she doesn’t feel secure in the relationship, has been hurt in the past, or was socialized to treat her partners this way.

3. She’s Ovely Self-Deprecating

Self-deprecation is when someone speaks negatively about themselves or puts down their qualities and strengths.

This flag indicates an underlying lack of self-esteem and confidence, which can manifest in other areas of the relationship. 

If your partner constantly puts herself down and expects you to build her back up, she will be overly dependent on you for validation down the line.

4. She Is Controlling

A relationship should be based on mutual respect, understanding, and trust. If your partner is controlling or manipulative in the relationship, this could be a sign of deeper emotional issues that need to be addressed. 

This is one of the most common problems for both men and women, and power dynamics are infamously tricky to manage.

Some signs of controlling behavior include managing your finances, relationships, or thoughts.

Controlling behaviors usually start innocent enough but build up over time as you increasingly give your significant other more power in the relationship.

5. She’s Physically Abusive

Men are usually stereotyped as the ones who are likely to be physically abusive in a relationship, but women can also be aggressive with their partners. 

In fact, many men find it hard to find someone to talk to about relationship abuse by women. If your partner is physically abusive in any way, this is a significant relationship red flag, and you should address it immediately.

6. She Gaslights You

Gaslighting is when someone makes you second-guess your thoughts, beliefs, and feelings by blatantly denying the obvious.

It can take many forms, such as refusing to accept your point of view or making you doubt your memories.

She may say things like “you’re crazy” or “you must be imagining things,” which can make you feel you’re losing control of your relationship.

Gaslighting is a sign of an unhealthy relationship dynamic, so it’s essential to recognize it and get help if needed.

7. She Is Unreliable

Pay attention if your partner constantly flakes on plans, fails to show up when she says she will, or doesn’t follow through with promises. 

Being unreliable in relationships can indicate an underlying lack of commitment or respect for you or your relationship.

8. She Refuses to Compromise

No relationship is perfect, and compromise is necessary for all healthy relationships. 

But she might refuse to be flexible with relationship expectations, not listen to your needs, or simply never want to do anything you want.

couple talking to a man that carries a notebook and pen red flags in a relationship with a woman

If your partner refuses to negotiate or meet you halfway, she’s forging an unhealthy relationship dynamic.

It may also signify that she sees her needs as more important than yours, which isn’t sustainable in a long-term relationship.

If your partner constantly makes you pay for meals, dates, or vacations, this could be a problem. It’s natural to want to treat your significant other on occasion. 

But if it becomes the norm and you feel taken advantage of, then it may be time to reassess the relationship or discuss your financial expectations.

10. She Is Unsupportive

In a relationship, supporting each other through good times and bad is essential. If your partner constantly belittles or dismisses your feelings, this could indicate an unhealthy relationship dynamic. 

For example, if you’re trying to get a promotion at work and your partner is not encouraging or supportive, it may harm your relationship and your professional progress.

11. Your Friends and Family Don’t Like Her

Assuming you have a supportive and understanding relationship with your friends and family, their opinion of your partner is valuable to you. 

If they have noticed concerning behaviors from your partner that you haven’t picked up on, it may be worth considering why they have these concerns.

In most cases, friends and family can offer a useful perspective and help you identify problems you might miss.

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12. She Keeps Tabs On Your Whereabouts

Your partner constantly demands to know where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing.

She may even take extreme action by peeking into your phone, asking your friends and family about your whereabouts, or using spying apps to track your location.

These behaviors are not only unhealthy, but they can also be signs of relationship abuse. Make sure to address this situation immediately if you notice it.

13. She’s Clingy

Co-dependence is when one person in a relationship becomes overly dependent on the other. It can lead to feelings of possessiveness, jealousy, and controlling behaviors. 

You may notice your girlfriend wants to spend every waking moment with you. And if you try to take space for yourself, she may act hurt or angry, making you feel bad for wanting space.

As a relationship progresses, her neediness can completely consume your relationship and lead to unhappiness for both of you.

14. She Is Overly Critical

Is your girlfriend constantly criticizing you? It’s natural to want to help your partner grow, but if your girlfriend seeks out reasons to put you down and rarely offers compliments, take a step back. 

Her excessive criticism might reflect a lack of respect or appreciation for you, but it also points to her own insecurities.

15. She Has Entirely Different Values Than You

A value-based red flag doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s anything problematic about your partner. Rather, it speaks more to your compatibility as a couple. 

If you and your partner have vastly different values, it could lead to relationship problems in the long run.

For example, if you value honesty and loyalty above all else, but your partner isn’t as big on these values, it could lead to relationship issues.

16. She’s Commitment-Phobic

You’re having fun with your relationship but noticing that your partner isn’t ready to take things to the next level.

Anytime you mention meeting each other’s parents, moving in, or taking a vacation together, your girlfriend quickly shuts down the conversation. 

If the relationship is stuck in a rut and she refuses to make any sort of commitment, start backing out the door slowly. This relationship is going nowhere fast.

17. She Has Unresolved Trauma

Unresolved trauma often leads to relationship problems later on.

Maybe your partner has had trauma, such as childhood wounds, a harrowing breakup, or the death of a loved one, and hasn’t healed from these painful experiences.

These traumas have an even bigger impact if your significant other isn’t seeking help professionally by talking to a therapist.

It’s nearly impossible to support a partner through these challenges if they aren’t willing to address them.

18. You’re Not Feeling the Chemistry

Do you have great companionship with a special woman, but you’re feeling lackluster when it comes to getting between the sheets?

Many men feel guilty for admitting it, but it could be a red flag if your relationship lacks chemistry and physical connection.

While physical attraction can evolve and change throughout a relationship, it’s not a good sign if you need to force it or don’t feel it much at all early on. 

Not everyone has wild chemistry with their partner, and that’s OK. But if you’re looking for a relationship filled with passion, it might be time to reconsider.

19. She Can’t Emotionally Regulate

When your girlfriend cannot regulate her emotions, communicating can be difficult.

For example, she might make matters worse by blowing things out of proportion and making fights a multi-day affair rather than addressing the issue at hand.

couple facing opposite direction red flags in a relationship with a woman

A lack of emotional control could also indicate underlying issues such as depression or anxiety, and she may need professional help to work through those.

20. She’s Cheated On You Or a Previous Partner

Cheating on a partner is about more than just one relationship. It’s about character and trustworthiness. If your partner has cheated in previous relationships or on you, it could definitely be a relationship red. 

While couples can work it out after infidelity, it takes a lot of commitment, dedication, and trust to make it happen.

21. She Isn’t Motivated Personally or Professionally

A woman lacking ambition or drive in life can be a real turn-off. Your girlfriend might not be actively pursuing her dreams, or she may not have clear goals or aspirations. She’s happy to coast through life, making it hard for relationship growth to occur.

A lack of ambition could also apply to physical motivation, as ignoring exercise and a healthy diet suggests low self-esteem or a lack of commitment to a healthy lifestyle.

The Most Common Red Flags in a Woman

While there are hundreds of specific red flags that may or may not come up in your relationship, a few common categories of relationship red flags appear across the board.

Here are a few of the most common relationship red flags:

  • Emotional red flags: When it comes to relationship red flags in a woman, some of the most common ones are emotional. These can include being unable to control her emotions and frequently becoming angry, having difficulty expressing her feelings or communicating effectively, being manipulative or passive-aggressive, and not being interested in discussing relationship issues.
  • Communication-related red flags: Poor communication is one of the biggest issues in any relationship. A woman who doesn’t communicate openly with her partner, engages in passive-aggressive behavior, and never seems truthful can point to relationship issues.
  • Red flags related to your partner’s past: Sometimes, things that happened many years ago still impact our behaviors and relationships. If a woman is still dealing with the aftermath of an abusive relationship, troubling family dynamics, or unfaithfulness in past relationships, it may be cause for concern.
  • Compatibility red flags: Compatibility is a top priority for a romantic connection. If you and your partner want different things, it will be hard to compromise and still be happy. You could lack compatibility regarding relationship goals, beliefs, values, or personalities.

Big, Glaring Red Flags in a Woman

While red flags can often be nuanced and subtle, there are a few of them that are glaringly obvious and potentially unsafe.

These include:

  • Any physical violence: This is one of the most significant relationship killers. If your partner ever physically hurts you, intentionally or not, this is a sign that a boundary is needed and that it’s unsafe to be in the relationship.
  • Stalking behavior: If your partner is following you, monitoring your social media, or checking up on you without consent, it’s a huge relationship red flag.
  • Mental illness: People with untreated mental illnesses can sometimes find it hard to cope with relationship stress; in some cases, it can be dangerous to be around. If your partner struggles with mental illness, being supportive and prioritizing safety is essential.
  • Abusive language: Abusive language is never okay in a relationship. If your partner uses it frequently or makes serious verbal threats against you or those you love, it’s essential to create space between this person.

What Are Silent Red Flags in a Relationship?

Silent red flags don’t necessarily jump out at you but can undermine your connection over time.

Often, it’s an accumulation of these “silent killers” that doom the relationship if you don’t address them.

Some of the common silent issues include:

  • Not feeling heard or respected in the relationship: If your partner doesn’t take your concerns, feelings, or thoughts seriously, it can be a sign of relationship trouble.
  • Avoidance or deflection of conflict: If your partner tries to avoid discussing relationship issues rather than addressing them head-on, it can be a sign of relationship trouble.
  • Difficulties showing emotions: If your partner has difficulty expressing emotions, you may feel lonely and unloved, which is no way to start a committed relationship.
  • Not investing in the relationship: If one person puts in more effort than the other, it could be a sign of relationship trouble. If she doesn’t care as much as you do, move on to someone who does.

Talking things out is the best way to address any negative signs in your relationship. You can do this with your partner, but if you feel more comfortable talking to a trusted family member or a professional, that could be a better option.

Final Thoughts

No relationship is perfect, but it’s essential to acknowledge any red flags indicating the future with this woman won’t be so rosy. Addressing them as early as possible is critical to developing a committed partnership.

Who says women can't have red flags? In this post, learn all about red flags in a relationship with a woman you have to be careful of.

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