Motherly love is often described as unconditional, and mothers have a unique bond with their children. They know us better than anyone else, and their love and guidance shape who we become. However, as we grow older and become independent, it’s natural for the relationship with our mothers to be affected.
While we may still have a close bond with our mothers, it’s important to establish healthy boundaries to maintain a balance in the relationship. Because it is pretty easy to go from motherly love to plain old snooping around and smothering.
Mothering or Smothering?
Redditor u/kurisu_hiyori is 22 years old and in his final year of college. OP and his mother originally had a close relationship, as one would expect, with him telling his mother everything from his interest in girls to the first time he tried alcohol. Because of college, OP spends most of his time away from home.
Recently, he realized that his mother had gotten a habit of snooping about him, trying to know all she could about him, and the occurrences in his life. She knew his phone’s passcode, which gave her free access to his mobile device whenever she wanted. However, OP never expected that she would be one to go through his phone.
During a visit to a friend’s place, OP tried weed for the first time, requesting that his friend make a video of him doing it to capture the moment. A little while later, his mother snooped around on his phone and stumbled across the video. OP’s mother also forwarded the video to his friend’s mother and went over to her place to discuss it.
Two weeks later, OP discovered this had happened, finding out from someone else. Heartbroken by the event, he said, “I felt bad, betrayed both by my friend (the one I was smoking with) and my mother.”
Taking a Stand
OP decided that he was going to do something about it. To catch his mother, he purposefully placed a condom in his wallet. He hid it away in a spot where no one would find it unless they were searching thoroughly for something.
While leaving the house a little later, his mother called him in, lamenting, “If you are going to have sex, don’t lay on this bed.”
OP told her he had left the condom out intentionally, knowing that she would snoop around. While sharing a bed with her, he still needed privacy. She countered what he said, stating that she had only gone looking for it because she needed money. OP then said to her face,
“If you don’t respect my privacy, I will lose my respect for you.”
OP is not financially independent yet, so he has to share things at home, thus the bed situation. His parents live together, with his father sleeping alone in his own bedroom, unwilling to share with anyone else.
While he does plan to move out and get a job after college, OP still wants to know if he’s TA.
Redditors Are Concerned With Something Else…
u/WiddlyScudsTV can’t tell whether OP is TA,
“Can’t give judgment. Too stuck on the fact 22-year-old man is sharing a bed with his mom. Buddy, respectfully, that’s not normal.”
u/ElizabethIzzyJoy thinks OP is not TA, but also suspects something else is going on, an opinion a lot of others seem to share.
“NTA. But this s–t is weird, I gotta tell you. But if you want boundaries, you need to start by setting those boundaries. The first one you should set is having different beds/sleeping spaces.
In my opinion, your mom’s behavior is weird. The whole ‘if you’re going to have sex, you can’t sleep in this bed’ is giving off very, very weird vibes. I understand the idea behind sharing a bed whenever you come home since you’re not home often. Still, IMO that’s something you do with a friend or maybe even a sibling, not your mother.”
Mothers can get overprotective of their children sometimes, especially as they grow older and seemingly start drifting. But do you think it’s something more? That she’s being “weird”, as Redditors think? How would you address the situation if you were OP?
Read the whole story here.
This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.
